I became strongly aware of a man almost 5 years ago. He lives in the same city as me, and from all I have learnt, we are both very alike, yet very different. I had an instant sense that he was the one. The energy when near him was so powerful, I had a major struggle to control my desire to simply be near him all the time. It was so comforting. And from all accounts, initially, he was very excited on first seeing me, and told a lot of people about me, and his eyes shone. We are both on the autistic spectrum, and so the path has not gone smoothly, because after all this time, we have yet to truly make contact in the physical plane sense. We communicate telepathically. I have the most incredibly realistic dreams with him in, involving questions and discussions. There were so many synchronicities over the first years, that I started giggling about it. I could walk out my door, and he would be walking along the end of the road, as an example.
But things changed. He has been alone for many years. He, like myself, has had a very difficult past. And he reacted after his initial joy, by becoming defensive, keeping a distance, and simply watching me and hovering, but doing everything he could to make sure I made no attempt to talk to him. He is very socially awkward. Anyway, this year things seem to be heating up. I keep hearing the question of 'where are you?' and he turns up within 5-10 minutes later. He hovers. He has taken to simply standing near me or looking at me, at times gazing in my eyes and it is like looking in a mirror, I cannot describe it. It is as if time just stops and it was that way the first time we made eye contact. We both froze for moments. He was nervous the very first time he looked at me. I have had many soulmates in my life, and none have come to close to the pure energy that seems to exist between myself and this man. It would take pages to go into the synchronicites, such as when we both turned up at the same place during a full lunar eclipse. We were both born on the 6th (myself May, he September).
I feel his emotions, I seem to live his emotions. When he is frustrated or angry, I live those emotions as well. I know when he is there, I simply feel it so strongly. I often feel him in the room with me, even though he lives 15 minutes away. On a spiritual level, it is all there, but the wait is so long. I love him totally and unconditionally, and there is no explanation for that logically, because I loved him from the moment I was in his presence. I felt as if he was a part of myself, and that feeling is still there. I gave up on the idea of twin souls a long time ago, when I had made a common mistake, and presumed a strong soulmate connection must be 'the one' lol. I was very idealistic then.
But this, this does not even come close to that. It is on a level I have never experienced before. My initial instinct was, no doubt, this is it. I was so, so sure. But time has gone by. I have had doubts because of the way things have been progressing. And each time I try and step away, and try to move on from this connection, the synchronicities increase, or rather, I see him more, lol. or the dreams start coming, as if to tell me to not give up on this. I have had so many people telling to 'give up' or that I am wasting my time as he is a loner blah blah, And I cannot give up. Not totally. But, we have yet to really speak to each other or make the connection earthly/physical. And although I don't mind that, it bemuses me that he is clearly very aware and as drawn to be close to me, as I am to him, yet he cannot face taking the risk of speaking to me.
I cannot really fully describe the situation here as there is so much of it over such a long period, and neither of us reacts to situations or people in what might call an average way, lol. But any insight welcome, I think, especially if it comes from heart/intuition, rather than mind as I have grown a little tired of people using logic to try and explain the situation, and telling me that 'you can do better' and the like. My reply to them is 'no I cannot'. Because to me, he is the best.